Monday, April 11, 2016

Election Jokes of the Week April 10, 2016

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On the Republican side, I saw that Ted Cruz visited a matzah factory in Brooklyn. Of course, matzah is the unleavened bread that Jewish people eat for Passover, and Ted Cruz is the presidential candidate that New Yorkers will definitely pass over.
~ Jimmy Fallon

While campaigning in New York today, Hillary Clinton rode the subway and had to swipe her metro card five times before getting through a turnstile. Though if you know Hillary Clinton, you know she'll keep trying until she gets in.
She swiped her metro card five times, which means it only took the crowd behind her 10 seconds to go from "Oh my God it's Hillary!" to "Let's go lady!"
~ Seth Meyers

After weeks of back and forth, Bernie Sanders and Hillary Clinton have finally agreed to hold a debate in Brooklyn next Thursday. You know you're in New York when you have to argue over the date of when you're going to argue.
~ Jimmy Fallon

Hillary Clinton and Bernie Sanders have scheduled a debate for next Thursday in Brooklyn. Which is about as close as Bernie Sanders can get to Wall Street without spontaneously combusting.
~ Seth Meyers

"Bernie Sanders won on the Democratic side in the Wisconsin primary. Sanders' Wisconsin supporters celebrated by drinking Old Milwaukee, or as Bernie calls it, 'Young Milwaukee.'"
~ Jimmy Fallon

"There is an ironclad rule of politics: No funny hats."
~ Ted Cruz in Wisconsin

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