Showing posts with label you can't make this stuff up. Show all posts
Showing posts with label you can't make this stuff up. Show all posts

Thursday, April 13, 2017

Sean Spicer Fails with Hitler Analogy

via GIPHY


The hapless White House spokesperson for President Donald Trump is not having a good week.

Sean Spicer broke Godwin's Law, which states that once you bring up Hitler you've already lost the argument anyway. He was trying to explain the President Assad (whom he calls "Ashad") of Syria was more evil than Hitler when he gassed young children. Well, anyone with a 5th-grade education will see the major flaw in his argument because what about Hitler's use of gas chambers - hello?



Spicer then tried to derp-splain the gaffe with a line about Hitler never gassing "his own people." Well, you got that right - he didn't gas too many Nazis or blonde Aryan Germans, but he gassed just about everybody else - Jews, Gypsies, Poles, Czechs... etc.

Then Spicer tried to apologize again, bringing up "Holocaust Centers" - his name for Concentration Camps.





By the end of the day, Nancy Pelosi and others were calling for his resignation.

Did I mention that all this happened on the second day of Passover and just before Easter?

We could also ask who gave Spicey this dreadful talking point. Clearly it was someone who hates him and also hates Jews. Could it be ...Satan? I mean ...Bannon?

From NBC News
...Spicer, speaking from the White House podium at the daily press briefing, said that Hitler, whom he called "despicable," did not use "the gas on his own people the same way Assad used them."
He sought to clarify his remarks in three separate follow-up statements — which did little to help — and then provided a full-blown apology.
"To draw any kind of comparison to the Holocaust was inappropriate and insensitive," he told NBC News.
. . . On Tuesday, the Anne Frank Center for Mutual Respect called on President Donald Trump to can Spicer.
"Sean Spicer now lacks the integrity to serve as White House press secretary, and President Trump must fire him at once," Steven Goldstein, the organization's executive director, said in a statement.
House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi echoed those sentiments.
"While Jewish families across America celebrate Passover, the chief spokesman of this White House is downplaying the horror of the Holocaust," she wrote in a statement. "Sean Spicer must be fired, and the President must immediately disavow his spokesman's statements. Either he is speaking for the President, or the President should have known better than to hire him."


Update: Melissa McCarthy as "Spicey" Apologizes












































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Friday, February 17, 2017

Trump's Cuckoo Press Conference

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President Trump held a truly bizarre, impromptu press conference yesterday that took his insanity to new heights (or lows). I mean, it's hard to describe it without using Alice in Wonderland - Mad Hatter - Down the Rabbit Hole analogies.

From CNN
Trump held court during a news conference that lasted an hour and fifteen minutes, carving out a stunning moment in modern American political history. He displayed a sense of anger and grievance rarely vented by a President in public -- let alone one who has been in office for just four weeks.
"I have never seen more dishonest media, frankly than the political media," Trump said, later slamming leaks to the press from the intelligence community -- some of which led to the resignation of national security adviser Michael Flynn.
"The leaks are real. The leaks are absolutely real. The news is fake because so much of the news is fake," Trump said.

















































































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Wednesday, August 3, 2016

Trump Tosses Baby from Rally

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Donald Trump has decided that nothing will be sacred in this election season - not even small babies. You know, Mitt Romney used to unintentionally make babies cry too, but he never banished them from his rallies for God's sake.

He sounds like a mean comic in a nightclub instead of a Presidential candidate. And who are the jerks laughing in the audience? Is this really happening in our country?


From CNN
"I love babies. I hear that baby cry, I like it," Trump said at a campaign event here as a baby could be heard crying in the audience. "What a baby. What a beautiful baby. Don't worry, don't worry. The mom's running around, like, don't worry about it, you know. It's young and beautiful and healthy and that's what we want."

But less than two minutes later, as the baby continued to wail, Trump took back his words.
"Actually I was only kidding, you can get the baby out of here," he said to laughs. "I think she really believed me that I love having a baby crying while I'm speaking. That's OK. People don't understand. That's OK."
















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Tuesday, November 10, 2015

Starbucks War on Christmas

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It's the time of year when frosty mornings lead to a new level of "War on Christmas" poutrage from the religious right. This happens every year, but has reached a new level of stupid.

Starbucks coffee company decided this year to use red cups for the holidays but leave off Christmas symbols like snowflakes, reindeer and trees (are those even religious?), and this caused some idiot "preacher" on Facebook named Joshua Feuerstein to make a viral video saying people should tell baristas that their name is "Merry Christmas" so they would have to say it out loud. Then the internet crazies took over and called for a boycott over the red cup, which even made Bristol Palin embarrassed - and her mother literally wrote the book on the "War on Christmas"!!!






























Ben Carson would understand!






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Saturday, November 7, 2015

Unsolved Mysteries of Ben Carson

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Ben Carson has pretty much had a free ride from both the right and the left so far, even when they know he has said weird stuff in the past that any other candidate would be grilled about, and even when he debates on national TV with his eyes closed.

All that changed this week, and it's been fabulous. Finally the media is poking around in Carson's past and pulling out these tidbits of insanity.

The Egyptian Pyramids are Grain Silos

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Ben Carson stood by his long-held belief about ancient pyramids in Egypt, that they were used to store grain, rather than to inter pharaohs.
Asked about this Wednesday, Carson told CBS News, "It's still my belief, yes."
The subject came up when Buzzfeed published a 1998 commencement speech delivered by Carson at Andrews University, a college founded by Seventh-day Adventists.
"My own personal theory is that Joseph built the pyramids to store grain," Carson said. "Now all the archeologists think that they were made for the pharaohs' graves. But, you know, it would have to be something awfully big if you stop and think about it. And I don't think it'd just disappear over the course of time to store that much grain."
In the same speech, he went on to say, "[W]hen you look at the way that the pyramids are made, with many chambers that are hermetically sealed, they'd have to be that way for various reasons. And various of scientists have said, 'Well, you know there were alien beings that came down and they have special knowledge and that's how--' you know, it doesn't require an alien being when God is with you."
























Rand Paul: Nope! Aliens!









Carson Got All Stabby with Something Sharp on Somebody Once (Maybe)



From Salon
In preparation for an interview with Ben Carson on “New Day” Friday, CNN investigated claims the retired neurosurgeon made about his upbringing in his 1990 autobiography “Gifted Hands: The Ben Carson Story,” but was unable to find corroboration for the incidents of violence that are at the core of his story of transformation from an angry young man into the calm, collected GOP hopeful he is today.
Carson claims to have punched a seventh-grade classmate in the head while holding a lock, and attempted to stab a classmate named “Bob” in ninth grade, but CNN spoke to nine people who knew him at the time — two of whom lived next door to the Carsons and knew young Ben well — and not a single one of them could corroborate his stories.

Vanity Fair
When CNN interviewed his classmates, some who’d known Carson as early as elementary school, they universally said they never heard any rumors of Carson’s alleged violence. “I don't know nothing about that,” said Gerald Ware, who attended high school with Carson. “It would have been all over the whole school.” CNN also delved into Carson’s shifting recollections of certain pivotal life moments: during one telling of the hammer incident, they reported, he left out the hammer, saying only that he attempted to hit his mother.
In this strange universe we live in, Carson being accused of not having a violent temper is somehow a minus: during press conferences and an appearance on The Kelly File later that day, he adamantly refused to admit that he fabricated his personal history, blaming the media for trying to take him down: “Do you think I’m a pathological liar like CNN does? Or do you think I’m an honest person?”

From Politicus USA
Timothy McDaniel, a friend of Carson’s, told CNN the descriptions Carson gives on the Trump are not the guy he knew. He remembers Carson as an academically driven young man, “… never stooping to the level of the common thug.” His friend suggested that maybe Carson tried to hide this side of himself out of embarrassment. A tenth person said maybe he heard about the attempted stabbing at school.
Yes, that’s right, Dr. Carson might just be an ordinary kid who studied really hard and became a great neurosurgeon, and now he’s a leading contender for the GOP nomination for president.
What’s so bad about that? Well, working hard to rise above your circumstances doesn’t resonate with evangelicals. You have to be a stereotyped version of a sinner first and then be saved. If you’re black, best to be a thug. If you’re a pretty white woman, see Roxie Hart. Etc. You need a good story to be a good con artist, and the good story needs to fit in with the bigotry of your marks, to validate their prejudices and make them feel elevated, chosen, and ultimately, superior. So Carson needs to be a dangerous, violent thug saved by the Bible.

Carson thinks CNN is on a "Witch Hunt"

From The Hill
Carson told host Megyn Kelly on Fox News’s “The Kelly File." "This is simply an attempt to smear and deflect the argument to something else.
“The media is ruthless,” the retired neurosurgeon added. "So, you know, I would say to the people of America — do you think I’m a pathological liar like CNN does? Or do you think I’m an honest person? I’m going to leave that up to the American people to make that decision.”
Carson then argued that CNN is trying to discredit him, given his surging popularity with voters nationwide.
“It’s a smear campaign,” he insisted. "They’re going to go back and try to find anything that I’ve ever said and try to get me on the defensive about it in order to distract away from the things that are important.









Trump loves this story!





And this person - not the real Trump:




















Ben Carson Wasn't Offered a "Scholarship" to West Point Because There are NO Scholarships at West Point

From Washington Post
For years, Carson has said he was offered a “full scholarship” to the U.S. Military Academy when he was a high-achieving high school Army ROTC cadet in the late 1960s. But Carson never applied to West Point, was never accepted and never received a formal scholarship offer. In fact, West Point does not offer scholarships; all cadets attend free.
The story was first reported Friday by Politico. Carson responded to the resulting controversy by saying that when he spoke of an “offer,” he referred to informal, verbal statements of encouragement from military leaders he met through the ROTC, the Reserve Officers’ Training Corps .
“I was told that because of my accomplishments, they would be able to manage to get me into West Point and that I wouldn’t have to pay anything,” Carson said on the Christian Broadcasting Network. He said he decided not to apply and went to Yale University instead to pursue medicine. “There was no application process [at West Point]. I never even started down that path,” Carson said.























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Wednesday, September 2, 2015

Wingnuts in Uproar Over Denali Name Change

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Proving once again that wingnuts will despise ANYTHING President Obama does, the wingnuts went even more nuts than usual when the name of Mt. McKinley in Alaska was changed back to the Native name of "Denali."

Via National Geographic
What's in a name? For the tallest mountain in North America, plenty. On Sunday, U.S. Secretary of the Interior Sally Jewell signed an order officially changing the name of the 20,320-foot (6,194-meter) peak in Alaska from Mount McKinley to Denali.
“With our own sense of reverence for this place, we are officially renaming the mountain Denali in recognition of the traditions of Alaska Natives and the strong support of the people of Alaska,” Jewell said in a statement.
Denali, the peak's traditional name in the local Koyukon Athabascan language, means "the great one."



Breitbart called it a "Teachable Moment in Tyranny" even while admitting that most Alaskans wanted the change. But . . . but . . . Obama, that tyrannical Kenyan!!!!!!
Alaskans, and millions who love Alaska, support changing the name of Mt. McKinley to Denali. And that is exactly why President Barack Obama’s unilateral decision to change the name is so wrong.
When we allow leaders to bend the rules for popular policies, we create bad precedents for them to bend the rules for unpopular ones. The name ought to have been changed through a legislative compromise, or a consultative administrative process–not by fiat.
. . . Instead, Obama acted out of sheer vanity, timing the name change with his Alaskan visit.

Donald Trump vowed to change it back, of course, hahaha. More likely he will name it for himself. Trump Mountain. Trump Highest Peak in North America.



The reason Trump says it is an "insult to Ohio" is that President McKinley was from Ohio. So of course, the Ohio wingnuts went berserk, including Senators Boehner and Portman:





Portman was wrong about the assassination of McKinley. According to Talking Points Memo, the mountain was officially named several years before McKinley died.

Bob Cesca pointed out on Salon:
• The Alaska Geographic Board has actually used “Denali” as Alaska’s official name for the mountain since 1975.
• The National Park that includes Denali has been known as “Denali National Park and Preserve” since 1980.
. . . Sarah Palin, of all people, referred to the mountain as Denali in her 2009 farewell address after resigning halfway through her first term as governor.

Yes, Sarah Palin called the mountain Denali, but her daughter Bristol wasn't paying attention (probably as usual). I thought Todd Palin had Inuit ancestors?

From Wonkette:
Well finally that Alaskan idiot — no, not Sarah, but her spawn Bristol ...has weighed in, and ...what the hell is she even talking about?

President Obama is taking a trip to the Alaskan Arctic.
I wish we could add up how much this trip costs the tax payers dollars……….. They probably had to BARGE limousines here!!!!!!! They rented out an entire TOWER at our nicest hotel here? A TOWER!!!!!!!!!!
Is her mother ghostwriting for her, or did Bristol just write this drunk? Did they really have to BARGE limousines here!!!!!! To a TOWER!!!!!!!!! At our nicest hotel here? All right, cut the semi-literate shit, let’s get to the good stuff:
By the way, no one is buying the “Denali is what the Alaskans have called it for years” line. I’ve never called the mountain Denali .. and neither does anyone I know …
It’s Mt. Mckinley … It always has been and always will be to most of us… What a waste..
Look, here is your mommy, on video, quitting her job and saying “Denali” ... “Denali, The Great One, soaring under the midnight sun,” Sarah Palin says, right around the 1:25 mark. Did that sound like “Mt. McKinley” to you, Bristol?




















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Monday, June 15, 2015

Rachel Dolezal ~ Con-Artist Passing as Black Creates Confusion

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Racial identity in America is always a deep subject, but sometimes a story comes along that seems baffling to everyone on several different levels.

For your inspection: Rachel Dolezal, a white woman from Idaho who attended a traditionally black college then proceeded to "invent" an identity for herself as a black woman with no genetic basis in fact. Dolezal became a Black Studies professor and eventually head of the Spokane, Washington, NAACP. Of course she could have fulfilled both those roles as a white woman, but for some reason she chose to tell everyone that she was African American with a black father, had lived in South Africa, and had been the victim of hate crimes - none of which was true.

It's hard not to make Steve Martin and "The Jerk" jokes, and in fact, there have been many all over Twitter. Not to mention Jan Brady Afro jokes.











Dolezal was not born a poor black child and is definitely white. Her also-white parents had adopted African-American children and really had lived in South Africa, but apparently Dolezal never visited them there. Dolezal really did attend Howard University, but it's unclear whether the college viewed her as white, black, or mixed-race. She really is a gifted artist who chooses to paint about the African American experience, but whether her art fans knew she was white is also unclear. The NAACP obviously thought she was black, but they have come out in support of Dolezal so far.

This all came out when Dolezal's parents decided to do some interviews about their daughter. Why they waited years to discuss her strange story isn't clear, but it has hit the news and social media like a bombshell.


From People
"Rachel has chosen to distance herself from the family and be hostile towards us," her mother Ruthanne Dolezal told CNN on Friday. "She doesn't want us to be where she is, she doesn't want to be seen with us because it ruins her image."
"We are her birth parents," Lawrence Dolezal added. "We do not understand why she feels it's necessary to misrepresent her ethnicity."
Speaking from their home in Troy, Montana, the Dolezals told CNN's At This Hour that their daughter's identification as a black woman "started kind of gradually, maybe around 2007 or so."

Real Parents

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Dolezal's Real Parents interviewed on CNN



Dolezal had recently reported hate mail arriving at the Spokane NAACP, but police wondered whether it was authentic. The day after the news came out that Dolezal was "passing as black" the authorities suspended the investigation, because at this point who can believe a word she says?

From Boise Weekly
Dolezal, president of the Spokane branch of the NAACP, had previously filed multiple police reports, claiming to be the victim of threats and hate crimes. KREM-TV is reporting the SPD has halted its investigations into those claims, at least for now.

"If new information comes to light, we can investigate that information," the SPD tweeted June 12.

This past March, Dolezal told police hate mail had been found in the Spokane NAACP chapter's post office box, but police investigators stated the envelope had neither a barcode nor date stamp on the envelope, and no one at the post office was considered to be a suspect. Dolezal reported a second envelope, which included hate mail, was delivered to the NAACP's downtown Spokane office, and police were still investigating until Friday, when they announced they were suspending their probe.

Not Real Father

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A local Spokane reporter cornered Dolezal and asked her simple questions about the identity of her father, and whether she was actually black. She seemed speechless and utterly confused, and literally ran away from the reporter.

From Gawker
The reporter first asks Dolezal if her father was able to make it to Spokane this past January for a ribbon cutting event. Dolezal replies that her father did not attend the ceremony because he has bone cancer (which itself might be a lie). The reporter then presents Dolezal with an off-camera photo of her father, which leads to the following exchange:

Reporter: Is that your dad?

Dolezal: Yeah. That’s... that’s my dad.

Reporter: This man right here is your father? Right there?

Dolezal: Do you have a question about that?

Reporter: Yes, ma’am. I was wondering if, uh, your dad really is an African American man?

Dolezal: That’s a very—I mean, I don’t know what you’re implying.

Reporter: Are you African American?

Dolezal: I don’t... I don’t understand the question of—I did tell you that yes that’s my dad. And he was unable to come in January.

Reporter: Are your parents—are they white?

Dolezal: [Walking away] I refuse...






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Friday, June 12, 2015

Lindsey Graham promises "Rotating First Lady"

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Senator Lindsey Graham, R-South Carolina, will surely never be President, but just in case, the unmarried candidate for the GOP nomination is heading off speculation about his hypothetical First Lady.


From ABC News
What will bachelor Sen. Lindsey Graham, R-S.C., do if he’s elected president in 2016 without a first lady?

“I've got a lot of friends,” the Republican presidential hopeful joked in an exclusive interview with the UK news outlet Daily Mail Online.

“We'll have a rotating first lady.”

It’s the first time the war hawkish South Carolina senator acknowledged his marital status since he began contemplating a run for the White House in 2016.

Oh, but wait - he also has a sister! She can be first lady!

From Newsmax
Republican presidential contender Lindsey Graham, a lifelong bachelor, has come up with a plan for how to fill the role of first lady should he take up residence at the White House.

"Well, I've got a sister, she could play that role if necessary"

. . . Graham announced his candidacy in Central, South Carolina, on June 1. His sister, Darline Graham Nordone, was there to introduce him.

Nordone has previously said she's occupied with her immediate family and her job as a public information director for the state's Department of Vocational Rehabilitation, so it's unclear what role she could take up in a Graham presidency, CNN reported.

Many have speculated over the years that Lindsey Graham is actually gay and in the good-old Southern church-going Tea Party - courting closet. But he certainly won't "come out" during a Presidential run, lest the South Carolina Evangelicals refuse to vote for him in the primaries. Indeed, he sought to reassure his conservative voters that though he is unmarried, he is not "defective" - a dog whistle for gay, perhaps. In fact, he almost married one of them-thar wimmens, so he's macho, y'all.

From Politico
Sen. Lindsey Graham says he’s not “defective” because he’s single. While he’s “been close once” to marrying a woman, he’s unsure why he never did so. And he said that if voters want a John F. Kennedy-esque clan in the White House, they should look elsewhere.
“If you are looking for Camelot, I’m not your guy,” Graham said in an interview. “If you’re looking for glitz and glamour, I’m probably the worst choice in the bunch. If you are looking for a determined person to be president, I think I can fill that bill.”
. . . “I’ve been close once early on, [as I was] taking care of my sister,” Graham said when asked why he never married. “It’s something I really don’t know the answer to, other than I think it’s OK. At the end of the day, there’s nothing wrong about not being married. Having a marriage and a good family and children is a blessing. But I don’t think I’m a defective person by any means.”

Soon the crazy spread to other politicians, as Senator Mark Kirk, R-Illinois, said this:

From Politico
“I’ve been joking with Lindsey,” Kirk said, according to audio from the Huffington Post.

“Did you see that? He’s going to have a rotating first lady. He’s a bro with no ho.”
After emerging from a meeting in the office of Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-Ky.), the usually outspoken Kirk was mostly mum about what he’d said about Graham, a longtime bachelor with White House ambitions.
“No. No, comment,” Kirk said. Asked if he regretted the comment, Kirk responded: “I do.”

His old bromantic friend John McCain chimed in:

Sen. John McCain (R-Ariz.), Graham’s best friend in the Senate, offered this assessment: “I know he’s dated some attractive women from time to time, but I’ve never seen him get real serious.”
McCain added with a big laugh: “I’ve often told Lindsey that he couldn’t find anybody that loves him as much as he does.”

Okay! :)

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