I suppose it's too much to hope that @RealDonaldTrump is today going to reveal this whole thing of his is an April Fool's Joke.— Keith Olbermann (@KeithOlbermann) April 1, 2016
SNL: A Nutjob for Trump
"If I were in my car and getting ready to reverse and saw Donald (Trump) in the backup camera, I'm not confident which pedal I'd push."
~ Ted Cruz on possibly running over Trump, on Jimmy Kimmel
"Serial killer or cereal?"
~ GOP nominee Ted Cruz after being asked his favorite cereal on Jimmy Kimmel, joking about the crazy rumors that he is really the Zodiac Killer from before he was born. Real answer? Mueslix, LOL.
"Donald Trump became a grandfather for the eighth time, ladies and gentlemen. When Trump actually met the baby, he was like, 'Wow, look at the size of those hands!'"
~ James Corden
"Donald Trump got a nice delivery on Sunday: a new grandson. His daughter Ivanka gave birth to a baby boy. She named him Theodore, which is interesting. Theodore is usually shortened to Ted, like Ted Cruz. That's one way to get back at your father. 'Dad, we'd like you to meet Theodore, Rosie, Megyn Kelly, Mexicans, Muslims, Jeb Bush.'"
~ Jimmy Kimmel
"It's been reported that a contributor to CNN has been having an affair with Ted Cruz. All I can say is, way to go, Wolf Blitzer!"
~ Conan O'Brien
Bernie Sanders today held a campaign rally in the South Bronx. Sanders said it was great to be in a neighborhood where he wasn’t the loudest person.
~ Seth Meyers