Thursday, November 15, 2012

Snarking the Petraeus Affair


Complete Story Here on Mother Jones

No one knows what David Petraeus will do next. All I know is he's in for one awkward Thanksgiving
~ Craig Ferguson

The truth is, many women are attracted to men in power. And powerful men are attracted to women who — well, women. So to recap, men are pigs but some of them have cool jobs.
~ Craig Ferguson


The James Bond movie 'Skyfall' came in No. 1 this weekend with $88 million. It's about a spy who fights terrorists and sleeps with a lot of women. Critics are calling it 'well-made,' while David Petraeus is calling it 'relatable.
~ Jimmy Fallon

People are disappointed. A four-star general, highly decorated, brilliant strategist, director of the CIA — and yet he's behaving like your common congressman.
~ Jay Leno


The whole thing was like innuendo after innuendo, and the whole time I’m like 'dah.' I had her right there talking about how thick a coat of awesome sauce Petraeus is bathed in. The thing never crossed my f***ing mind!
. . . I am the worst journalist in the world. For God's sake, the title of her book was All In. She may as well have called the book What's Got Two Thumbs and Is Banging His Biographer? This guy.
~ Jon Stewart of the Daily Show on his interview with Paula Broadwell earlier this year

He's a Lieutenant Colonel, she's an extremely good-looking woman. She is a marathon runner. She has run Iron-Man Triathlons. So she's running with him and writing his biography. I think the term is propinquity. There was a lot of propinquity going on. (laughs) Who knows? The man's off in a foreign land and he's lonely and here's a good looking lady throwing herself at him. I mean, he's a man.
~ TV Evangelist Pat Robertson on The 700 Club

But it is not the nature of the emails that bothers me as much as their sheer volume. Gen. Allen has one giant bandwidth.
We are talking about 30,000 emails (or 30,000 pages) over a two-year period. If I wrote emails about every sexual encounter I had in my life — with others or alone — I am not sure it would add up to 30,000. Even if I threw in every preteen fantasy, starting with Hayley Mills in “The Parent Trap,” I am not sure it would hit that number.
~ Roger Simon

How to Tell if You’re Involved in the Petraeus Scandal
. . . the scandal widening every day, “a lot of average folks out there are worried that they might somehow be involved in it without knowing,” says Carol Foyler, director of the C.I.A.’s public-information office. “This booklet should clear up a lot misunderstandings.”
The booklet includes a “simple, user-friendly checklist” that should help people determine whether they are at risk for being implicated in the scandal, she says.
“Have you ever met David Petraeus? Have you ever received and/or sent shirtless photos of an F.B.I. agent? Have you ever exchanged e-mails with Jill Kelley? Under five thousand pages of e-mails and you’re probably O.K., but anywhere between ten thousand and fifteen thousand pages of e-mails could potentially mean you’re involved in some way,” she says.
~ The Borowitz Report


7NEWS sincerely apologizes for a mistake that we aired in our broadcast Monday, a mistake that has gone viral on the internet.
On 7NEWS at 5 p.m., the station reported on ex-CIA director David Petraeus' relationship with his biographer, Paula Broadwell.
Broadwell earned a master's degree at the University of Denver and had given a speech at an alumni event several weeks ago that may have provided insight into the early stages of their relationship.
During the broadcast, 7NEWS showed an image of Broadwell's biography of Petraeus that is called, "All In: The Education of General David Petraeus."
However, when the 7NEWS reporter went on the Internet to get an image of the book cover, the reporter mistakenly grabbed a Photoshopped image that said, "All Up In My Snatch." (View image here.)
"It was a mistake," said KMGH-TV News Director Jeff Harris.
"It was a regrettable and an embarrassing error. We are mortified this appeared during our 5 p.m. news broadcast. The editor pulled the image of the book cover from the Internet without realizing it had been doctored. We sincerely regret the error and have corrected the story to avoid any recurrence of its broadcast. We are following up internally as well to avoid a repeat of this inexcusable oversight," Harris said.
~ The Denver Channel


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