Friday, October 10, 2014

The #PalinBrawl Police Report Laugh-Olympics

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Previous Related Posts:
Palin Proud of Daughter Bristol in #PalinBrawl
Palin Family in White-Trash Brawl


Anchorage police release the report on #PalinBrawl. Read it below and let the jokes begin!

Via Talking Points Memo
Anchorage Police Department spokeswoman Jennifer Castro told the Alaska Dispatch News that prosecutors had decided not to pursue a case following the police investigation.
On Thusday, TPM obtained a copy of the report compiled by the Anchorage Police Department that contained summaries of interviews with witnesses about the Sept. 6 incident at a house party in Anchorage.

Palin Brawl Police Report

From Alaska Dispatch News
Daily described Bristol Palin as “heavily intoxicated and upset.” She told Daily that Klingenmeyer had pushed her to the ground and dragged her across the lawn after she had attempted to confront a woman about hitting her younger sister, Willow. Bristol said she was beginning to leave when she saw her brother attacked. She told Daily she “didn’t have any clue” whether she hit Klingenmeyer or not.
Klingenmeyer told Daily he was “angry that the Palins had showed up and were causing the problems,” and that he was considering filing charges but he later told another officer that he had changed his mind.
The Anchorage municipal prosecutor’s office will not be proceeding with charges in the case, according to Anchorage Police Department spokesperson Jennifer Castro.


The internet comments are priceless! :)

"Korey drug her across the lawn by her legs and was calling her a c*nt and a slut."
First sentence of great American novel written.
~ Lucidamente1 on Wonkette

~ Msgr_Moment on Wonkette

In defense of the Palin daughters, if my mom sounded like theirs and I had to listen to it every day, I would spend every waking moment drunk too.
~ formerChild on Wonkette

You really have to read the full report for added lulz: "Korey told her that he wasn’t going to have any of that here and told her to go home. She then asked ‘Who the fuck are you?’ and he told her he was the one who owns this house and there’s no fighting going on here. She then told him that he doesn’t own this place and that she will kick his ass.”
~ tallmutha on Wonkette

How the mighty have fallen -- remember when Palin was ruining a national party? Now she just ruins birthday parties.
~ SayItWithWookies on Wonkette

Why wasn't anyone armed? Why were no openly carried weapons discharged? Seems lame to just fist-fight when you have such a weapons fetish.
~ Austin_Dave on Talking Points Memo

Barstool and Pillow are such ladies. The invitation to join Junior League must be forthcoming.
~ Anti​Sachet​De​The on Talking Points Memo

As I read the police report, I couldn't help but picture this happening at the Navel Observatory in Washington, DC. Imagine. It was this close. John McCain needs to be admitted to a facility.
~ FootballBat on Talking Points Memo

Also, the police report pretty much confirms there's video out there somewhere. More than one person claimed there was video, but when the police followed up a few days later the homeowner said no one he spoke to had video. Makes sense. If I had video of something so glorious I wouldn't hand it over to the police, I'd hightail it to TMZ. If the quality is good and the Palins are on the video I would guess it's worth 6 figures
~ PluckyInKy on Talking Points Memo

But they said it was Todd's Birthday Party?!!!!
And his twin brother! I didn't even know he had a twin!
~ Teen​La​Queefa on Talking Points Memo

Can you imagine the Obamas acting like this?? me neither.
~ Hansy Puguero on Huff Post

Sarah puts the A$$ in CLA$$
~ Chris W. on Huff Post

Paddle faster. I hear banjos!
~ Timothy R. on Huff Post

If only McPalin had been elected. We would have had really really important reality TV. Kinda like the Waltons on Oxy.
~ Tony M. on Huff Post

So glad we have this fine Christian family as spiritual leaders for the rest of us.
~ Debra D. on Huff Post

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