Tuesday, March 26, 2013

Jim Carrey Rankles Right with "Cold Dead Hand" Spoof

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UPDATE: March 30, 2013

Jim Carrey has written a reply to all the criticism coming from Fox News and the rest of the Wingnut-o-Sphere:

Via EW Popwatch
“Since I released my “Cold Dead Hand” video on Funny or Die this week, I have watched Fux News rant, rave, bare its fangs and viciously slander me because of my stand against large magazines and assault rifles. I would take them to task legally if I felt they were worth my time or that anyone with a brain in their head could actually fall for such irresponsible buffoonery. That would gain them far too much attention which is all they really care about.

I’ll just say this: in my opinion Fux News is a last resort for kinda-sorta-almost-journalists whose options have been severely limited by their extreme and intolerant views; a media colostomy bag that has begun to burst at the seams and should be emptied before it becomes a public health issue.

I sincerely believe that in time, good people will lose patience with the petty and poisonous behavior of these bullies and Fux News will be remembered as nothing more than a giant culture fart that no amount of Garlique could cure.

I wish them all the luck that accompanies such malevolence.”


I find the gun problem frustrating and ‘Cold Dead Hand’ is my fun little way of expressing that frustration.
~ Jim Carrey via Huffington Post

In this Funny or Die spoof, Jim Carrey gives a finger to the late gun enthusiast, impersonating him along with the lead singer of a fictional band performing their chart-topping hit, "Cold Dead Hands." The jingle pokes fun at Heston's favorite slogan: "I'll give you my gun when you pry it from my cold, dead hands."
~ Daily Beast


"Cold Dead Hand"

By Lonesome Earl and the Clutterbusters

Ahhhh, Ahhhh, Ahhhh, Ahhhh

Some folks ride like the wind
With the whispering pines to guide them,
And the burning light inside them
Keeps them warm in the snow.

Others fear the sounds they hear
Make bandidos out of molehills
Fill their hearts with por-cu-pine quills
They're dead and buried
Long before they go.

Charlton Heston Movies are no longer in demand.
And his immortal soul may lay forever in the sand.
The angels wouldn't take him up to heaven like he planned,
'Cause they couldn't pry that gun from his
Cold Dead Hand.

Charlton Heston: "What did he say?"

It takes a cold dead hand
To decide to pull the trigger
Takes a cold dead heart
And as near as I can figure
You're tryin' to prove your d*ck is bigger
But we know
Your chariot may not be swingin' low.

Ahhhoooo (Wolf Howl)

Cold Dead Hand! Cold Dead Ha-nd!
Cold Dead Hand! Cold Dead Ha-nd!

You're a big big man with a little-bitty gland
So you need something bigger just to fill
Your Cold Dead Hand!

Charlton Heston: They're making fun of everything I hold dear.

Imagine if the Lord were here
And he knew what you've been thinkin'
Would his sacred heart be sinkin'
Into the Canyon of Dismay?
And on the ones who sell the guns
He'd sic the vultures and coyotes
Only the Devil's true devotees
Could profiteer from pain and fear.

Charlton Heston Movies are no longer in demand.
And his immortal soul may lay forever in the sand.
The angels wouldn't take him up to heaven like he planned,
'Cause they couldn't pry that gun from his
Cold Dead Hand.

It takes a cold dead hand
To decide to pull the trigger
Takes a cold dead heart
And as near as I can figure
You're tryin' to prove your d*ck is bigger
But we know
Your chariot may not be swingin' low.

Cold Dead Hand! Cold Dead Ha-nd!
Cold Dead Hand! Cold Dead Ha-nd!

You're a big big man with a little-bitty gland
So you need something bigger
with a hairpin trigger.
You don't want to get caught
With your trousers down
When a psycho killer comes around.
So you make your home like a Thunderdome,
And you're always packin' everywhere you roam.
But the psychos win no matter what you do
'Cause they're gonna buy way more
Guns than you.

And while you're stumblin' out of bed
They put five rounds in the back of your head.
And you get depressed 'cause your weenie went south
So you put your shotgun in your mouth
And the kids walk in and they find you there
Like a headless lump in your underwear.
And they move the gun and it kills them too,
And your wife just doesn't know what to do.
So she takes a hand-grenade from her shoe
and then she pulls the pin --
And it's all on you-hoo . . .

And your Cold Dead Hand!

(sound of a gunshot)

Well what in the heck was that?

Charlton Heston: I accidentally shot my foot off.

Aw, shoot!

Hahahahahahaha!




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

That’s the only question with gun control: should the government and rich elites like Bloomberg, Feinstein and Jim Carrey have a monopoly on force?
~ Ann Coulter on Fox News

He is probably the most pathetic tool on the face of the earth and I hope his career is dead and I hope he ends up sleeping in his car like his life began. This video only made me want to go out and buy a gun. He thinks this is biting satire, going after rural America and a dead man.
What did this jackass Jim Carrey do? He was behind the anti-vaccine panic. He’s a dirty, stinking coward, he’s a moral coward.
He’s such a pathetic, sad, little freak. He’s a gibbering mess, he’s a modern bigot.
. . . He’s a bottomless pit of insecurity. And the desire for acceptance is why he’s doing this because in his heart he knows he’s a fraud.
~ Greg Gutfeld of Fox's "The Five" via The Blaze

















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