Undecided Voters Who Decide Everything

Previous Post:
Bill Maher's Snarky Rant about Undecided Voters

Undecideds have come in for a lot of guff in recent weeks, and perhaps understandably: this year’s presidential election might ultimately come down to the mercurial whims of a few thousand people who don’t really pay attention to or care all that much about this stuff.
~ G.D. on Postbourgie

. . . there are few undecided voters this year. On average among national polls, about 7 percent of voters either say they are undecided, or that they will vote for a third-party candidate — the same percentage as in 2004, when voters committed early to Mr. Bush or Mr. Kerry. The figures are slightly lower than at a comparable point in 2008, and considerably lower than in 2000.
. . . Some voters who are not thrilled with the major-party choices may name a third-party candidate when a pollster gives them the option, but then grudgingly vote Democrat or Republican for fear of wasting their votes otherwise. For this reason, polls generally overstate the standing of third-party candidates, and for forecasting purposes it may be proper to treat ostensible third-party voters as de facto undecideds.
~ Nate Silver on 538 Blog via New York Times

Behold the Snookization of American politics.
The Middle East is in turmoil. The economy is struggling. Mitt Romney is on “Live! with Kelly and Michael,” talking Snooki and his bedtime wear (“as little as possible”).
The number of undecided voters is vanishingly small. The remaining ones tend to be the lowest of low-information voters, only intermittently tuned in to politics, if at all. These folks are not watching “Meet the Press” or calibrating candidates’ positions on optimal tax rates. They are, predominantly, women.
So both presidential campaigns find themselves trolling in unlikely and, to be blunt, demeaning places, answering demeaning questions.
~ Ruth Marcus on The Northwestern


From Saturday Night Live:
Undecided Voters Have Some Questions

This election will determine the future of our country. And this election will be determined by the Undecided Voter.

It seems that more than 96% of voters have all ready made up their minds about this election. Well, I guess some of us are just a little harder to please. We're not impressed by political spin or thirty-second sound bytes.

Before you get our vote, you're gonna have to answer some questions. Questions like:

When is the Election? How soon do you have to decide?

What are the names of the two people running? And be specific...

Who is the president right now? Is he or she running? Because if so, experience may be something we should consider.


How long is a president's term of office? One year? Two years? Three years? Or life?
If it's for life, frankly, we're not comfortable with that. We don't need to be electing a dictator.

What happens if the president dies? Has anyone thought about who would replace him? What's your plan, gentlemen?

Can women vote? Because if not, as a woman, I've got a big problem with that. And by the way, if men can't vote, in my opinion, that's just as wrong.

We hear a lot about our dependence on foreign oil but just what is oil? What is it used for?

Can a woman have a baby just from French kissing?

If you burp, fart, and sneeze at the same time, will you die?

Where's my power cord?

We are America's Undecided Voters. There's still a lot we don't know. And . . . (in unison) We Want Answers.

Low information Voters of America is responsible for the content of this advertising.

They are negative on both candidates to an unusual degree. I mean, you go back to '04, people are undecided if the fall express positive favorable views of both John Kerry and George W. Bush, this year - excuse me -- it's the opposite. Obama's approval rating is miserable, Romney's favorable/unfavorable is miserable among these undecided voters.
So I mean, it is possible that a lot of these people we are calling undecided today we'll look at both of these and not vote.
~ Ron Brownstein, CNN Political Director on State of the Union

Probably half of the undecideds are not voters. We know that people say they're going to vote, and they aren't actually voters, and so some of them just truly -- they really are the most disengaged. So really maybe -- it may be two or three percentage really. So, it's that small.
You know, it's actually - while it seems hard for us to imagine not paying hard to the election. It's actually not all that hard. Media are diffuse. A lot of people are watching a lot of different things. They're taking care of their kids, their working. And so it really is for a lot of people just starting, and I think the conventions and the debates starts focusing the choice for some people.
~ Anna Greenberg, Democratic Pollster on CNN's State of the Union

"I was in a coma for HOW LONG?!" -someone who's still an undecided voter

— Aaron Fullerton (@AaronFullerton) September 20, 2012

I am 100% certain that over 50% of the 'undecided 6%' will side with the irrelevant 47% to make Romney's chance of winning 0%.

— Brad Sherwood (@TheBradSherwood) September 20, 2012

When asked by @lawrence if he was an undecided voter, Mark Mckinnon just said Gary Johnson is "looking pretty good right now"

— Krystal Ball (@KrystalBall1) September 20, 2012

"I'm not undecided...I decided...that I'm not voting"

— Heard In California (@CaliforniansSay) September 25, 2012

Friends don't let friends be undecided voters.

— Nick Casalini (@NickCasalini) September 25, 2012

Bill Maher's Epic Snarky Rant about Undecided Voters

Bill Maher, 9/21/2012 (my transcript)

New rule —if you’re one of the 5% of American voters who are still undecided on who to vote for, it’s okay to admit you just don’t give a sh**. Really, if at this point you still can’t figure out who you like more, Mitt Romney or Barack Obama — stay home, because you probably couldn’t find your polling place anyway. I mean, what more information does someone need to make this choice? Obama has been president for nearly four years, and Mitt Romney has been running for president since 1971, when his space egg incubated, and he burst out of an astronaut’s chest.

And they’re really not that much alike. If you can’t tell this man, from this man, you’re not a swing voter. You’re a lesbian. It’s okay that there’s a tiny fraction of uncommitted voters in a few swing states who will decide this election, but can we all please stop treating them like they’re somehow more noble and discerning than the rest of us?

For example, you know who’s an ‘undecided’ voter?” The Octomom. Yup, somebody asked her, and well, turns out she doesn’t even know who Mitt Romney is.

And that, in a nutshell, is America’s celebrated undecided voter. Put on a pedestal by the media as if they were Hamlet in a think tank, searching out every last bit of information high-minded arbiters poring over policy positions and matching them against their own philosophies. Please, they mostly fall into a category political scientists call ‘low information voters,’ otherwise known as ‘dipsh**s.’

For example, according to a PEW research study, 40% of Democrats do not know that the Republicans are the Conservative Party. Let me repeat that. No, I'm not going to repeat that - it's too depressing.

Instead, let's look at someone else who announced this week that they were an 'undecided voter.' Kim Kardashian. Yes, she described herself as a 'Liberal Republican.' Of course there aren't any of those anymore, but pieces of knowledge like that don't reach the low-information voter. But Donald Trump does. He tweeted: "Hey, Kim Kardashian. I hear you're undecided and I can explain why you should vote for Mitt Romney."

Hey @kimkardashian--I hear you are undecided in the election. I can explain why you should vote for @mittromney.

— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) September 17, 2012

Well, this is a microcosm of the whole election. Because the only way Romney can erase Obama's lead is know-nothings like Donald Trump can convince know-nothings like Kim Kardashian that Republican-style trickle-down economics won't wreck the economy the way it has before. And he might do it because Kim Kardashian thinks 'trickle-down' means the last shot of your sex tape.

And the worst part of this is that America's entire electoral process - the debates, the convention, the ads, the photo-ops with the corndogs - it's all targeted at this tiny section of the population that's just not that interested. Which would make them by definition the least-qualified for this decider's role. When are low-information wishy-washy people ever desirable to talk to? There's a reason why when you have a problem you never seek their advice. 'Hey, you know who you should talk to 'bout that thing you're going through? Someone who doesn't know anything about it!'

This year at the debates we should skip that thing where the undecideds dial in their reactions to every little moment, and instead hook up the dial to their foreheads to see if there’s any measurable brain activity. I don’t need to see another focus group with these nincompoops — I’ve seen enough of them to know why they’re called focus groups — because they’re groups of people who have trouble focusing — and if I want to see a bunch of ignorant jackasses bullsh***ing about the election, I’ll watch Fox and Friends.